I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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