I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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