How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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