So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
