Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
