and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
