I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
