And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
