Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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