he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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