I'm eating all of the evidence.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
