They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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