i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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