this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
