I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
