Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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