Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
