like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
