i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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