She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
