Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
