We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
