Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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