I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
