he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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