I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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