oh god the rape fog is back!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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