Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
