So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
