Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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