even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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