this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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