I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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