Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
