sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
