I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
