YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
