The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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