So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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