Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So much rum. So many feels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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