she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
