i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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