even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have peed in a lot of sinks
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
