I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
