just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
