Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
