Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
