Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
