hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think your dad took our porno
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
