my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
